The Love I Thought Was Mine

Transcript

1. James·0:00

   Between 2019 and 2021, things became increasingly painful: clothes and underwear started disappearing, a confrontation about the older son became the final turning point. And then came the sentence that changed everything: "Nothing belongs to you."

2. Amara·0:18

   Clothes and underwear started disappearing. I didn't initially understand what was happening. Eventually I raised concerns about my husband's older son. That confrontation became the final turning point.

3. Amara·0:31

   My husband told me to pack everything I had, but when I asked about the furniture I had bought through finance, I was told "nothing belongs to you."

4. James·0:40

   How did that sentence land?

5. Amara·0:46

   That sentence changed me because suddenly I wasn't only losing a relationship, I was confronting the reality of how little ownership I had been given in a life where I had poured so much of myself. I had given financially, I had given emotionally, I had given my time, I had given my youth, I had given motherhood, I had given loyalty, and somewhere along the way, I had forgotten myself.

6. James·1:10

   When you look back now, who do you blame?

7. Amara·1:13

   Today, I don't want to blame anyone. I used to look at the mother, I used to look at the children, I used to look at the circumstances, I used to look at everyone except the person who was standing beside me. Eventually I realized that my husband had been at the center of many of the decisions and dynamics I was fighting against, and that was painful to accept because I had spent years defending him. I had been fighting battles for a relationship while believing I was fighting for him. Battles against everyone else. That was my awakening.

8. James·1:44

   What is the deepest lesson from this chapter?

9. Amara·1:46

   Love without boundaries becomes self-abandonment. Loyalty without discernment becomes a prison. And constantly rescuing someone can make you forget that you also need to be rescued. Sometimes we pray for God to remove our enemies, when what we really need is clarity about the people we have given access to our lives.

10. James·2:08

    Would you leave a prayer for the woman who is just beginning to see that the person she defended was part of the problem?

11. Amara·2:14

    Father, for every woman who is waking up to the truth that she has been fighting the wrong battles, give her courage, soften the shock of recognition, help her release the need to defend what harmed her, and restore the parts of herself she abandoned while trying to keep a relationship alive. Amen.

12. James·2:33

    That was episode nine of The Love I Thought Was Mine. In our final episode, we come to the place of finding yourself again, the new questions, the release, and the greatest love story of all. Until then, may the awakening hold.